By Ann Barr

In the space of two hours - at one shopping mall - I met two knowledgeable, professional sales people at two different stores in a local shopping mall. What a pleasure.

How often does that happen?  Not often enough.

Both of these people used one effective word that held my attention.  In addition, their knowledge and enthusiasm about their products was impressive.

Can you guess what this one word was?

The first store I visited was Harry & David.  I was looking for their famous and delicious Oregold Peaches.

No luck finding the peaches (I had to order them from the catalog) but it was a fascinating experience listening to the sales person, who used this one word that grabbed and kept my attention.

The second store was Select Comfort, creator of the Sleep Number bed.

From the beginning, we could see that Mary Ellen was knowledgeable about the Sleep Number bed and her demo was impressive. She also used that one little word.

One Word Used by Two Different Sales People

FIRST, from the employee at the Harry & David Store:

 “Did you see these great-looking Halloween Gift Baskets?”  (They really were attractive.)

Then she said:

     “We can prepare a gift basket for you with what YOU like, not what we think you will like.”

(You guessed it; that one little word is “you.”)

SECOND:  The Select Comfort store

“These beds can be adjusted for YOUR comfort, based on YOUR sleeping habits and YOUR body type.  They are not one-size fits-all beds.”

In addition to being enthusiastic and knowledgeable and answering all my questions, Mary Ellen did something else important:  She asked for the sale - three different times!

Then there is the wonderful Home Depot tag line:  “YOU can do it - We Can Help.”

Words That Chase Away Prospects

From time to time I come across a marketing letter that is probably written with the best of intentions, but something is missing. Something important. This is the letter where the writer uses the first (critical) paragraph to describe his business and his products without letting the reader know how they - the customer -will benefit. This is an all about the writer letter and is a waste of paper, postage and time.

Here is a typical “all about the writer” letter:

“We are the area’s largest widget dealer and as a 20-year old corporation and one of the leading suppliers of widgets in this state, we take great pride in the quality of the widgets we manufacture. We are members of the Chamber of Commerce, and we have won the Small Business of the Year Award for the past three years. We offer complete service contracts on widget machines. For information and pricing please contact me.”

What’s Wrong With This Letter?

The statement above (which is the first paragraph of the letter) is all about “WE,” and uses the word “WE” six times. But the words “you” or “your” were not used even once in this first paragraph.

If the customer is still reading after the words “We take great pride. . .” it’s only because they are actively looking for a new widget supplier.

What’s in it For Me?

Where are the benefits to the customer? The words in the example above are okay, but could be reworded in a way that would state the facts plus answer the customer’s mental questions: “What’s in it for me?” and “Why should I keep reading this letter?”

Count “We’s” and “You’s”

The next time you write a sales letter, count the number of “we’s” and “you’s” in the first paragraph. “You,” “Your” and “Yours” should outnumber “we,” “I” and “me” if you want the prospect to continue reading your letter. u